So, firstly I’d just like to say, this is going to be a very honest account of who I am, and what makes me tick. I like nothing more than to create characters and the environments they live in, I’m literally in love with the creative process. I’ve been doing it from a very early age. It all started with my ‘hand me down’ Action Men dolls and Lego, I even used to make my own clothes for them out of cardboard and sticky tape, as the types of armour or costume I wanted for them didn’t exist. Although it hasn’t all been fun in make believe world. I was a very lonely child, and spent a lot of time inside my own head, which is where the story telling started. I would imagine different worlds where fantastic creatures lived going on crazy adventures, because my life seemed very dull and confused.

I was the third of three siblings, all with big age gaps, but all to the same parents. I was to say the least, an extremely withdrawn and lonely child. I remember one day, after I’d left school and was working as a baker, having a conversation one lunchtime with my mum. She told me, she always expected school to ring up one day to ask if I was being abused. Now the fact my mum even thought that, tells you just how isolated and withdrawn I felt and obviously acted, but did that not ring any alarm bells? I feel even if they had tried to get help for me, it would have fallen on deaf ears, so I don’t blame them in any way, shape or form. Don’t get me wrong, I loved both my mum and dad, they weren’t the most supportive, but they did their best, they were very old school parents and worked hard to support their family.

I knew I was different to everyone else from a very early age, I just felt different, felt like I didn’t fit it. I’ve later asked old school friends if they noticed anything different about me as a child, to be told they all knew I was different, and as a result they thought I was awesome because I didn’t think like anyone else, and always came up with my own solutions to certain situations. Sadly, this is not how I saw myself, I felt like I needed to try more, try harder to fit in, so people would like me and accept me, and not think I was weird!

I unfortunately also had severe OCD from an early age, but again, this wasn’t recognised, I thought everyone was like me, and I also didn’t realise I had it until I was probably in my late teens, when I started trying to control it. Thankfully I’m a lot better now, but it still raises its ugly head from time to time. My brother was also diagnosed with Dyslexia at the back end of secondary school, as he too had also been tret as if he was thick throughout his school years. He went on to excel at being a Chef, ending up being a Head Chef at a well renowned restaurant. So, you’d think somewhere down the line, someone may have stopped and realised there maybe something wrong with the way I think, but no, no, I obviously just had defective parents with dodgy genes. It took years to come to terms with the fact I was different, an entire childhood thinking pretty much everything I did was wrong, because that was what I was being told by my peers. Because I did things my own way, got to the same or better conclusion doing ‘it’ differently, I was labelled as wrong!

So, in a nutshell, the reason I felt different is because my brain works back to front. Like left instead of right, and kind of upside down. This wasn’t discovered until I went to university as a mature student. I studied Exhibition and Museum Design, quite a niche course at the time. My first project was to design a museum on Henry the eighth, which I did very well, the trouble is, it was completely back to front. By this I mean, when you walk into an art gallery or museum, you always go right and work your way around the exhibit, like we write from left to right, a natural flow. Oh no, not mine, I had done it so you turned left and went round the exhibit coming out at the right, which felt very normal and natural to me. Even my two class mates I lived with didn’t pick up on it! A lecturer informed me of this error, and then after seeing my complete confusion took me in the office, asked me a few questions, and then explained what was going on in my head. Well, this was a revelation! Suddenly after years of feeling different, I actually had a reason why. Slowly but surely all the puzzle pieces that were missing, started falling into place.

Things didn’t seem so weird anymore because I could rationalise why I thought the way I did, and understand why I did it!

But it’s not all bad. This backward brain of mine gives me a unique outlook on the world, without even trying, I think outside the box, I literally see things differently to other people, and as a result do things my own way. Although, this hasn’t always been a good thing. It started way back in primary school, from day one. I remember being taught the alphabet and having to copy the letters from the blackboard onto paper. I did mine back to front, by this I mean, the letter looked exactly the same as everyone else’s, I just started mine at the end and worked back to the beginning. I was constantly told off for this by my teacher, which I still remember to this day, as I found it completely baffling, because as far as I was concerned it was right, the same as everybody else’s, but I was being told it was wrong! As a result, I withdrew into myself, as I didn’t understand why I was always being reprimanded. This ended up getting me put in the remedial class, for the want of a better word, for ‘thick’ children. The thing is, I wasn’t thick, I was just different and misunderstood, but unfortunately when I was at school, they didn’t have resources or time to deal with different!

If you’ve read this far, well done. I know it’s not very exciting, but this is who I am, and how I got to this point.

Over the years I’ve learnt to correct the way I think so I don’t look or feel mental anymore, but I still think the same way, I now just correct myself. I would urge anyone who’s reading this who feels different, or has a child who you think may be different, to ask for help. It’s not weak or soft to ask for help, and there’s more help available nowadays, it could save you years of misery not understanding why you feel this way. I’ve often thought of having an ADHD test, as things like this didn’t exist in my day, but I decided against it, as I feel I don’t need another label to feel different about, but that is because I am now in my fifties and I have made peace with my past self. It didn’t necessarily do me any favours being different though. By the time I got to secondary school I’d started rebelling and didn’t want to do the same as everyone else. I’d started giving in to my different if you like. For instance, in art, which I excelled at, I kicked off repeatedly because I didn’t want to do still life drawing, I found doing drawings of pot plants and fruit boring! So eventually I was banned from the classroom and made to sit next door on my own and set my own tasks/projects. I revelled in this and did a music project where I drew many different instruments. Long story short, I did lots of work at home that clearly surprised the art teachers as to how good it was. Sadly, they refused to let me enter it into my exam, using the excuse they didn’t know for sure if I’d done it! Yeah, because I had an adult at home that loved doing art projects for me!!! And they said they couldn’t guarantee its safety, as one piece was a painted leather biker’s jacket. Simply put, they couldn’t be seen to favour me for being different, and as a result I failed art!

This in turn made me fall out with art and design, and for quite a few years I refused to do anything design related.

I’d just like to point out, I don’t condone misbehaving or being reckless at school. Back when I was in school, we didn’t have the resources you guys do now. We also still had corporal punishment, and I was caned quite regularly for not towing the line. So, if you’ve got an issue or don’t feel like you fit in, please talk to someone.

As you can imagine, I didn’t do well in any of my exams, forging my mum’s signature to drop out of woodwork, for the teacher to ask, what I was going to do now. I turned, picked up a piece of wood and said, I’m going to carve a woodpecker on a tree out of this. His response was, no you’re not, it’s the wrong type of wood, for me to say, watch me. I still have the woodpecker on my bookcase to this day.

There are two things that framed me in this life. Watching my parents work every hour under the sun, which gave me a great work ethic. And the other is being different, it makes you try harder to succeed. On my journey to becoming an author I’ve done many things. I’ve been a baker, packed fruit in a warehouse, being the quickest person to be promoted onto the bagging line. Worked in supermarkets, where I ended up being in charge of three departments, all of these jobs I hated, but yet I still did well. I’ve been a professional musician, as I played drums in heavy rock bands. Most of my career I ran public houses for several companies, winning numerous awards for different venues. Most recently I became a brewer, again winning many awards for my beers. It’s been a roller-coaster ride to say the least, but one thing that remained constant was my ability to tell stories. I’m also somewhat of a prankster, and have managed to convince many staff members along the way, to believe in utter nonsense I have made up, as I’m a very convincing story teller. The most famous of these has to be the Jam Bees! But that’s a story for another time.

In the background to all this I’ve had two failed marriages and a tragedy, none of which were solely my fault. The first one, I was married to a narcissist, and spent ten long years trying to make everything right, and getting completely crushed mentally and emotionally! The second cheated on me after thirteen years, because I apparently couldn’t give her a child, even though we’d agreed we didn’t want children, and the third brings me to where I started writing seriously again. I actually started writing seriously in 2012, but as with a lot of things, life got in the way, and I didn’t have the time to devote to it. Roll on to 2022 and my third wife, who was the most beautiful person I have ever met, both inside and out, died from epilepsy. I’m not looking for sympathy, or telling a woe is me story, I’m simply telling the story of what framed me into the person I am today. I have also seriously contemplated suicide twice in my life, so I take nothing for granted. As I said at the beginning, this is a very honest and true outline of who I am. I don’t believe in painting a picture of perfection, because I’m not perfect, none of us are. All that I can hope, is that you like my books, and enjoy the worlds and people I create.

Here comes the real kicker when it comes to advice. If any of you out there are miserable, hate your job, or are unhappy in your relationship, then change it. You are in control, no one is making you stay in that job, or stay in the failing relationship. I was only with my last wife for three short years, but they were the happiest three years of my life. I’d previously been with people much longer than that, but thought I had to stay for honour, or to make it work, because that’s what people did. No! People want and deserve to be happy, if you are unhappy, there’s a pretty good chance your partner is unhappy too, but be warned, there isn’t a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, so be sure you know what you want. Life is literally what you make it, so make it good. They say life is short, I never understood this, always thinking life was a drag, because I wasn’t happy. Now I know life is short, because I finally met my person.

Don’t waste yours. Live, love and most of all, laugh. Laughter costs nothing, and gives everything.

Thank you for reading this, and I wish you all much joy in your lives.

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Why Do I Write?

So, this isn’t a standard answer! Writing for me has a number of challenges which I’ll explain below. What can I say, I’m not exactly normal.

If you’ve read the ‘About Me’ section, you’ll know as a child I had some challenges, let’s say. Now, whether this has anything to do with what I’m about to tell you, I honestly have no idea. I guess I should probably have some kind of test, but at this stage in my life, is it really going to change anything, I doubt it.

As a child I really struggled with reading. When I say I struggled, I was ridiculously slow at reading, and I mean SLOW! Even now as an adult, I’m still very slow, to the point if a friend shows me a meme on their phone, I’m very conscious of how long it’s taking me to read it. This doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy reading, but I would be more inclined to do it in private, when I’m not being watched. As a result, I favoured comics more than books as a child. I’ve grown to love reading more as I’ve got older, but because of how I read, has an impact on the style of writing I like. I very much go for authors I feel are easy to read, I don’t like over wordy books, I appreciate the author is talented, but it’s just not right for me. So, I am not like most authors who have had their head buried in books ever since they can remember, and I am choosier about the book too, as it really has to draw me in and grab my attention.

I am much more of a graphic person than a word person, what I mean by this is, if you gave me a picture puzzle to solve as opposed to a word puzzle, I would solve the picture puzzle much quicker. That said and done, I also believe having a graphic mind helps me envisage the characters and worlds I’m creating, giving me a clearer picture of what I’m trying to convey. I also very much enjoy telling stories, the creative aspect of leading someone on a journey. Basically, I’m a designer who loves to write, and I have always had a ridiculous imagination, always making up stories as a child. I would often record my stories onto a cassette player, doing all the different voices for the characters. I just wish I’d taken to writing sooner, but I didn’t think I was good enough, so never seriously gave it a go, telling myself I wasn’t worthy.

I also watch a ridiculous number of films, from many different genres, which brings me to my next challenge in writing. Again, whether this has anything to do with my backward brain, I have no idea, but I struggle to retain information. I know a lot of people will joke its old age and so on, but it really isn’t. People don’t realise until they get to know me, and tell me things, then a couple of weeks later they’ll refer to it and I’ll be clueless! Sometimes even a day later!!! It’s very annoying and frustrating, but I’ve always been the same. Even things I’m really interested in, I struggle with. For instance, I have friends that can recite lines from films they’ve watched once, months later! I’m lucky if I can remember if I’ve seen the film. I’ve actually watched many films again and not realised I’ve seen them until right at the end! Also, when I was a brewer, there was one particular beer I brewed very often, because it was so popular, but never once could I just go ahead and do it without referring to the recipe, for fear of not remembering the correct hops and weights. So, as you can imagine, planning a plot and characters for a story is a real challenge, and as a result, this is why it’s taken me so long to think, sod it, I can do this!

I have to read back over my own work a lot, and make notes to remind me of story arcs, or important things to remember. I’ve even reread some chapters after months of writing to think, did I actually write this, but enough is enough, I really enjoy writing and making up stories, so I’m not stopping any time soon.

Some authors and books I enjoy are Sherrilyn Kenyon, I find her style of writing very easy and enjoyable to read. I’ve probably read more of her books than anyone else. I grew up obsessed with horror and as a result love a good zombie story. I really enjoyed Patient Zero by Jonathan Maberry and a favourite from when I was younger is the ghost story, The Survivor by James Herbert. I also quite like books about people fearing for their lives, or trying to prove their innocence, as a result I really enjoyed Run by Jeff Abbott and Run for Your Life by James Patterson.

I also get asked where I get my inspiration from, that’s easy to answer, my head is full of nonsense, and for me the inspiration is the easy part, it’s the writing that’s the challenge. I feel if you have to ask for inspiration or ideas, like I see on many writing groups, you’re probably not cut out to write novels, maybe a different writing outlet would be more rewarding for you. For instance, saying, I want to write a book, what should I write about, probably isn’t the best way to start.

With all that said and done, one of the main reasons I wanted to start writing is to get more young people reading, and using their imagination. I feel with social media and the gaming industry being so advanced these days, the art of make believe and imagination has somewhat been lost. I don’t feel kids even play the same anymore. Everything is screen related now, TV, phone, laptop, with children being drip fed what people want them to believe. In my day we had none of this, and had to make our own entertainment, fuelling our imagination. We now live in a very different world where I feel books still have an extremely important roll, and by books, I mean, actual books, not a pad or a laptop. Although, just for the record, this is just my interesting point of view.